Do you still have your period?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
