So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
