Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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