Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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