you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
