But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
