if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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