My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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