Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
