good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
