Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize