Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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