do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
