Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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