Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
