Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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