We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
