Someone shit on the floor
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
