**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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