Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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