We need to rekindle our bromance
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
