So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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