i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
