I met the friendliest cop last night
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
