Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize
