He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
