it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
