Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
organizing the empties. That sober.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
