I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
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I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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