TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
send nudes
from the living room?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
