Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
