Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
