I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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