We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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