i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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