I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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