i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
