Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
