the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
