I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
