He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
