i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
