Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize