I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high we made milksteak
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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