Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
