I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
