Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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