All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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