he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
