Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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