i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
