First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
