I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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