Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
