Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
