The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
