I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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