I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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