Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
