When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
