he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
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Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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