he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize