you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My life is pants optional.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
