Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
