i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
