I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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