so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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