i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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