There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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