I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
