I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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