so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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