my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
